Before I believed in Jesus Christ as my saviour and before the Lord granted me repentance, He allowed me to be swept through phases; agnostic, atheistic, anti-theistic, naivety and conspiracy theory, according to “the desires of the body and the mind”, “philosophy and vain deceit” with no real emotional or spiritual attachment to the people around me. I’m sorry to say that my detachment even affected my relationships with my family, friends and neighbours, and I became withdrawn, isolated and so I was miserable and I hurt men and women who I care about, mainly through stupid arguments and being a know-it-all. I also hurt myself and others when I turned to drugs and sex to provide a temporary, false feeling of attachment.
I remember one specific day in August, 2020: I had been reading the Bible for some time but on this particular day, God allowed me to see the truth about myself and all the sin I was living in and how foolish I was being trying to set myself apart with the latest trend and the correct beliefs , I realised I am a hypocrite and a sinner and I asked Jesus to help me.
At first I felt a lot of shame, regret and fear, fear that I could not unsee what I had been shown and fully return to how I was before, and shame and regret because of realising how bad I was before. but over time I realised these are just never ending and futile accusations against myself; I am still
the same man as I was before , just with Jesus, His church and the community here with me to help me.
Now that I am a Christian, I believe all of the journey over the last few years was to humble me and to show me the value of the gift of emotions and my connection to others, and to help me to reconcile my mind with my heart. The Holy Spirit showed me that the Truth is a man and the Almighty God who cares about me, my family, my friends and my neighbours. This brought back a sense of purpose, wonder and mystery and community in my life.
By writing this testimony and living up to these words , I hope and pray to be an example for others and to testify to God’s infinite grace and mercy.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
“But God being rich in mercy, because of
the great love with which he loved us ,
even when we were dead in our
trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ– by grace you have been saved–” –